Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
