so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
