Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
