she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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