Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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