He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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