Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
