just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
