I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize