i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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