PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
