No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
