took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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