my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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