dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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