you turned your livingroom into a bong?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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