here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is Oprah even human
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
