she was so not down for the gang bang
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
