yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
