I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
