my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
