I CAN MOONWALK!
please come you make the beer taste better
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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