If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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