before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Randomize
