whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
