Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
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Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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