3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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