When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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