You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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