She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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