He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
