you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
