I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
