fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
