i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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