I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
