I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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We were destined to go to rehab together
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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