So drunk its hurt
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
