you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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