ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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