I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
