This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
