dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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