what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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