guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
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he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
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I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way