That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.