i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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