Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
