so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
