Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize