I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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