Pappa wants mamma naked
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
