There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
