just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
