With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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