Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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