if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you never un-have a 4some
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
