You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
