why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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