i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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