I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
