So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
