I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
