There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
