Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
nutella sex= disaster
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
