I hope mine doesn't look like that
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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