I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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