i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
