just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
