I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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