just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
