I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
